You're in My Veins
by BLACKxDOVE
Summary: A Swan Queen story. A haunting and disturbing look into the mind of a woman who was unable to save the person she loved from a sacrificial fate. Driven into madness by guilt and pain, you see just how deeply lost love can affect the human mind.


**You're in My Veins  
**Written by BLACKxDOVE

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My hands are stained red; the dry flakes of blood stick to my fingertips as a constant reminder of fate's betrayal. No matter how hard I scrub them beneath the scalding water, letting it burn my palms, the crimson mark of death strays behind—rearing its ugly head as it taunts me. Bile rises in my throat as I flick my eyes up to the mirror, staring blindly at the woman within the glass—an empty shell of what use to be a hero is all that is left behind. Vacant green eyes gaze into mine, and I lift my clean hands up, pressing my fingers into the reflective glass; in the mirror blood continues to coat them. Somehow I know that no matter how many years pass by my hands will always reveal the truth—the sacrifice of greater good shrouding me in its cloak of darkness.

Bunching my palms into fists I scowl at the woman within the glass; skin pale and sick with grief, hair lacking the golden shimmer it once held. I hate her—she was the savior, the hope, and yet she failed to save one of the most precious treasures she had found. Tears illuminate her eyes and I smile viciously—she deserves every ounce of sorrow that trembles within her irises and fall upon her ashen cheeks. My right hand lifts then and with the force of my rage I allow my knuckles to crush her face into sharp shards, pieces of her cling and sticking into my fingers. I'm free, she can no longer have that icy hold around me—she's dead.

A wealth of lightness and warmth engulfs my stomach and flutters up to wrap its protective hands around my heart. My lips twitch into a smile and I finally allow myself to breathe; my lungs greedily filling with air sating its unquenchable hunger for life. As my body shivers and shakes with a myriad of dancing and singing emotions, I push away from the sink and walk away from the broken mirror—away from her: the betrayer.

The bedroom is dark and my eyes adjust to the drastic change in lighting, as my eyes clear they take in the form of my love, my treasure—the precious being the woman in the mirror had lost. But I have found her, and as I gaze at her from across the room my eyes burn with her beauty; her bare skin glows in the moonlight as she stares out the window absently. I take a step forward, my heart thundering against my chest at the very thought of touching her, and she turns and holds me within her dark focus. The light from her smile kisses my flesh and I shiver, unable to bring myself to go any closer. But she separates the distance between us and when her lips press against mine I let myself fall into her taste; the sweet flavor encompassing my tongue as she claims my soul with her mouth.

There are so many things I wish to say to her, to tell her before I find myself without her once more, but my tongue breaks and I can only seem to weep. My tears tumble down my cheeks and she catches every single one against the soft pads of her thumbs, collecting pieces of me: her skin absorbing my pain. A whimper rips from my lungs as her lips disappear from my mouth, and I reach out frantically, quickly soothed by the feeling of her forehead pressed against mine. I can't bear to lose her again—her courage means nothing in this world unless she is here to savor it.

Tender fingers grip my chin lightly, and she forces me to look into her eyes; her eyes are as black as night and they shine with the strength of the moon. I trace her full, red lips with my thumb, emblazoning each curve and swell within my memory. The same lips that once cried in agony as blood gathered in the corners—whispering of a sacrifice that she was born to make, the sacrifice that would restore happiness to all. But that couldn't possibly be true, because I wouldn't be able to live in harmony if I no longer heard the beating of her heart, felt her pulse quicken beneath my fingertips. The tears come back now, at the broken memories that sway, covered in blood, within my mind.

"I love you," she breathes, as she presses kisses against my fingers, "I did this because I love you—because I love our family."

My eyes flash open, and sunlight sears my irises as I sit up, the tangled sheets binding me to the prison of my thoughts. I lick my dry lips and she's all that I can taste upon them; the sweetness of her forever engraved on my flesh. Her voice whispers through my bloodstream and echoes throughout my mind; a loud scream tears from my throat as I fling myself away from the bed—her bed—the sheets smell of her. Everything I am is the personification of her. She's in my veins and I cannot get her out; she has invaded everything I own and I can't let her go—I'll never be able to let her go.

Salty tears burn down my cheeks as I run into the bathroom—her bathroom—and I kneel down among the shards of glass. Picking up a piece of the mirror I stare at the face within it—the failed savior—and I choke back a cry as I grip onto the jagged glass; blood slowly swelling from my fingers. The woman in the mirror is me, after all. I've tried so hard to distance the woman from myself, and yet we are one. Together we sealed the fate of our treasure, of our love—as a team we allowed Regina to sacrifice herself in order to restore everyone else's happiness. It's my fault.

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**A/N: This came about due to a Swan Queen dream I had the other night; it was so clear and vivid that it stuck with me and begged to be written out. It was very, very hard for me to write as it's so haunting and dark, but I felt like I needed to unleash it or be forever tormented by it. Anyway, in case the plot is fuzzy...basically Emma and Regina were a couple when the curse was broken, but everyone's happiness could only be restored by Regina sacrificing herself. Essentially this is Emma's breakdown after she inadvertently allowed this to happen to the woman she loves. This story was more for me than anything, but if you enjoyed it (or didn't) feel free to let me know what you thought via your review.**


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